Week 6 Wrap-Up - Soul(ar) Power
So this week I've decided not to do a Top Ten as my wrap up. I know it's breaking form, but they're my rules so I get to break them. The real reason is that I've had a week of some reasonably deep shifts and revelations and I would rather write about those than come up with a list that sounds quip-ish. That's just how I roll.
We still are working on eating to about 80% full, and will start on our new habit today (Monday). Of course the idea is that we will continue each of the habits we've developed so far and keep building on them. So, the 80% isn't going anywhere. It's just as well, since I still haven't got it quite right, but I'm a LOT closer than I was even just a few days ago. It's not easy to pay attention to what it feels like to be 75%, 80%, or 85% full. It's both a subjective measurement and a moving target - it changes all the time and is based on a lot of different factors. But it's such an important goal, it warrants practice on a daily basis (yes, I understand the definition of a habit).
When you pay attention to not only how you eat, but also why you eat, you learn some interesting things about yourself. For example, I've already admitted (I think I have, anyway, and if not, well, now you'll know) that I have been an emotional eater pretty much all my life. Growing up we used food as a reward, condolence, or to signify anything important (positive or negative). We also used food (inadvertently) for guilt - was anyone else here a member of the "clean plate club?" Guilt does a lot for a person, and in my house if you didn't clean your plate, well, you would sit at that table until you did, regardless of whether you were full. It was impolite if you didn't, and for goodness' sake, there were children starving in China!
So, yes, lots of emotions attached to food. For me, a lot of my happiest memories revolve around spending time with my mother (who I lost when I was 19), eating popcorn and talking about life. In the summertime we would sit on the front porch and in the winter we would sit in front of the fireplace, but whatever the season, it was our "girl time" and popcorn always reminds me of the special woman she was. So, of course, anytime I have felt the need for comfort I've turned to popcorn - my old friend - and somehow it feels like I am reconnecting with my mother in the process. Of course, this pattern of behavior can become a bit destructive, but I won't bore you with those details - because today we're going to talk about what we've learned!
The exercises we're doing are all coming together to help me learn better and more sensible eating habits. Have I done everything perfectly? Absolutely not. But going through the daily lessons and thinking about what they are teaching me has made me much more aware of my habits. They have taught me to me think first about whether I actually want - or physically need - to eat instead of just robotically shoveling food in because it's there. They are small, simple steps that are quite profound.
I used to think that Harry Potter must be possessed with some kind of extra special magic powers, because several times in the movie series he actually turned down food! He said no to breakfast, he said no to treats on the train, and surely it's not humanly possible to do that. Ever. So fast-forward through Week 6 and I've managed to say NO to gelato (more than once), popcorn (more than once), and even nearly half a pizza that I realized I just couldn't finish. So look at me - I'm magic! OK, maybe not, but it certainly feels that way. So what's my "trick," you ask. Oddly enough, just doing some soul-searching over the course of this week has brought me a lot closer to the realization that I don't always have to eat. I don't have to eat food because it's there. I don't have to eat food because I feel sad. I don't have to eat food because it's Friday. Or because it's lunchtime, especially if I'm not physically hungry. If I truly, honestly listen to my body and what it wants and needs, then it becomes a LOT easier to decide. The difference is stopping for just a minute and thinking about whether I actually want whatever it is. A few things have helped this process along.
First, I wrote one of those letters that counselors tell you to write when you have an issue with someone or something that has happened and you need to bring some closure. As I think I mentioned in previous posts, I have come to realize that there are some events from my past that I've kept buried until now. So early last week I sat down and actually wrote one of those letters. I laid out everything I remembered, what I felt then, what I feel now, how it has affected my life, my anger and other emotions toward the person, and then finally, forgiveness for what happened. I completely and unequivocally forgave them, and more importantly, I forgave myself. It was a difficult letter to write, but I did it. Then I signed it. And then I put it on the broiler pan on top of the stove and actually burned it. I was amazed at how cleansing the process was - I really didn't have a lot of faith that I would feel differently when I was finished, but I really, really did. I was giggling afterwards and then wondering why I hadn't done it years ago. I have a few more letters to write, but it made a tremendous difference and cleared up a lot of stuff I have been carrying around with me that I've allowed to interfere with the process of self-love and self-caring. So that was big step #1.
To support the process I also found some EFT/Tapping videos that made a difference for me. There's a guy by the name of Brad Yates, who has a YouTube channel filled with Tapping videos. He has a great (dry) sense of humor and has videos for everything you can imagine. If you think you might want to try the process I suggest you look him up. (You can click on his name above - I've embedded a link to his page.) It's a great place to start if you don't know much about Tapping. I think it's an amazing and transformative practice. But excuse me - as usual, I digress. I'll write about that topic in another post.
Throughout my life I have actively studied health, nutrition, and wellness, attended many classes and seminars about those topics, as well as courses and seminars about self-care, dieting, and even hypnosis for weight loss (yes I did). In all that time I have learned a number of "tricks" to help with losing weight. But this coaching program isn't about weight loss - this program is about personal transformation. Weight loss will inevitably be a side effect of the process, but the real purpose is first and foremost one of self-discovery and personal transformation. It involves a lot of soul searching to realize the origins of our self-limiting beliefs and habits, which helps us cut through the mental and emotional stuff that tends to get in the way of living a healthful life. One cannot possibly happen without the other. Not in any meaningful and long-term way, anyway. And that's the mistake we all make. Most diets "work," but eventually we "finish" the diet and then go back to all the same behaviors and practices that put us there in the first place. And either regress back to our starting point or gain even more weight than we initially lost, compromising our overall health in the process. Not very smart, but we all do it and have done the same thing for years. Am I right?
Something I learned at a fitness spa years ago and never really paid attention to is the Sigh that happens during a meal. As I struggled with trying to understand what 80% full really feels like, I've looked for signals to help me figure it out. If I don't start to eat until I'm actually physically hungry (something else that needs to be re-learned), then often times after I have only a bite or two the hunger pangs go away and it would be fairly easy to stop eating. Of course, this practice would be like a freeway leading to malnutrition, so I figured there had to be something else. I started with a smaller plate. If I used a smaller plate I couldn't serve myself so much. Nope - I still felt too full about 10 minutes after the meal. I tried reduced portion sizes. If I just served myself less then that should do it. Nope - I still felt too full about 10 minutes after the meal. Then I re-discovered the Sigh. Quite by accident, really. We were eating lunch and I actually noticed when it happened. It was a complete and total "AHA!" moment. Let me explain.
There comes a point during a meal where we reach our satiety level. Sometimes we eat too quickly to really give our gut time to tell our brain that this is the case, but even when we practice eating slowly it's not always easy to notice. But the Sigh happens almost involuntarily. Most people do it. It seems to come much too early in the meal (there's all this yummy food in front of us!), but I did notice over the weekend that it came. I decided to have just a few bites more after it happened, and guess what - I felt too full about 10 minutes after the meal. But by listening to it, finding that satiety point - somewhere close to the 80% mark - is reached, respected, and appreciated.
Prior to re-discovering the Sigh, one day last week I ate too much for dinner. In spite of the fact that it was less than I would have eaten just a month ago, it still was way too much. With full knowledge that it was not the best thing to do, I made large salads for dinner, and we watched a movie while we ate. I was pretty careful to eat slowly, but I didn't pay attention to the quantity and ended up feeling over-full afterwards. And yes, overeating even salad is still overeating and not a healthy practice. Now that I'm naturally eating less, I realized just how much I don't like that over-full feeling. Which is interesting, because over the past many years that is how I've usually felt after a meal. Not that completely stuffed, couldn't eat another bite, going to fall off the chair level of full, but the one where your belly feels quite rounded and you feel a bit lethargic. That used to be my "normal."
Coach Denise gave us some great pointers this week. My favorite was her suggestion that if you feel like you wouldn't want to go for a brisk walk or put on your bathing suit after a meal, then you probably have eaten too much. I really took that to heart. On Saturday we rode our bikes 17 miles to a nearby town, had lunch and then went to the pool. I was more full than I wanted to be, but by a much smaller amount than would have been typical for me. And it felt pretty darned good. I still don't like walking around in my bathing suit, but I'm getting there.
So, lessons learned this week (not quite 10):
- Eating to 80% full is still a challenge, but it can be done.
- Our bodies will provide us with signs of both hunger and satiety - we just need to learn how to listen.
- It feels good to eat less. Really good. I like not feeling overly full.
- Once you've really chewed and tasted the first few bites of whatever you're eating, every mouthful tastes the same - so there's not much point in eating beyond the point of satiety.
- Turning down the opportunity to eat gelato does not result in sudden death.
- Watch for the Sigh - it knows best!
So, the workouts are tougher this month, and everything together is producing results. Even though the weight loss fairy has not found me yet, I can see real transformation in my body, and the exercise definitely is making me stronger. We managed hiking up a mountain last weekend and some bike riding this weekend that would have had me laid up for at least a couple of days in the recent past. But after a day of active recovery I feel like I'm ready to take on the week's workouts full-on. And at the end of next week we'll update our measurements - this time I'm looking forward to it!
Have a health of a day,
Juli
P.S. I do have an absolute favorite quote of the week from our lessons about learning to assess our level of hunger and discomfort before eating. We're supposed to think about it on a scale of 1 to 10. What does that mean? Here's the quote: "1 is perfect comfort. 10 is being stung to death by a swarm of killer bees... that are on fire." If that doesn't make it clear, I'm afraid I can't help you.