Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall...
About a 6 Minute Read
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"I saw a meme once that said, 'dieting is easy. It's like riding a bike. And the bike is on fire. And the ground is on fire. And everything is on fire because you're in Hell.' Sound about right?
Here's the thing, weight loss is never about the number on the scale. That number is simply data. It describes your relationship with gravity at a specific moment.. It doesn’t measure your intelligence, your impact on the world, or any of your other amazing qualities. So why is there so much emotional baggage around the scale?
It’s because we’ve been told to believe our life will improve when that number is smaller.
Every advertisement you see regarding a diet or fitness product is telling you that there is something wrong with you, and only THIS thing is going to fix it. We buy into the belief IF we lose those 10 pounds THEN we’ll be happy.......So we do this program and try that product, and keep failing, over and over, assuming that WE are the failure and there is something wrong with us.
It can become almost like an addiction, as we keep looking for the next “quick fix.” We keep looking for external solutions to an internal problem.
The whole idea that “I’ll be happy when…” is keeping us stuck, unhappy, and supporting a $71 billion dollar diet industry. It's easier to buy into the hype than deal with the discomfort of looking inward. But your body will only go where your mind tells it to go. It’s your mind that drives what you choose to eat or whether you move your body.
Nearly every client says the same thing when they first start working with me:
If I could just lose weight then…
I don’t have the time...
I know I should…
I know what to do, so why can’t I do it?
I just want to fit back into my clothes again
I can’t believe I let myself get to this point.
None of this is about their weight. Why do I say that? Because all these statements are about how my clients want to FEEL.
So let me ask you - how do you feel about YOUR body? Why do you want to change it?
I still remember the emotion in my client’s voice when she said, “I never look in the mirror. I’m so disgusted by what I see, I just can’t stand to look at myself.” Mary hated the way she looked, and the more she allowed herself to think about how awful she felt about her body, the more she allowed her inner bully to berate and convince her that she was unworthy of the things she wanted in life.
She stuffed down her emotions with junk food and too much wine. It was the only way she knew to quiet that inner voice — at least until the next day, when it started all over again. And whenever she wasn’t eating to avoid those feelings, she avoided them by putting all her energy into caring for her disabled son. While that sounds noble, the reason she did it was that she didn’t feel worthy of looking after herself and couldn’t accept the idea that self-care isn’t selfish. She was always her last priority, which meant there was never any time or energy left for her needs. It became a cycle she didn’t know how to break.
Mary was concerned that planning healthier meals would be too time-consuming. It would be too difficult to give up her favourite snacks or her wine. She was afraid to start an exercise program that would take time away from her son. Even though her son could be fairly independent, she kept telling herself she couldn’t do any of those things for herself in case he needed her.
Does any of this sound familiar? What stories do you tell yourself about why you don’t have time to eat healthier, exercise, or take care of yourself? Do you put everyone and everything else first, always prioritizing your needs last? It’s more common than you think.
For Mary, we started her journey with a 5-minute task. I asked her to simply become aware of her self talk. Her task was to practice that awareness for 5 minutes a day, and write down what she “heard” with no judgment. After a couple of weeks, it was incredible to see her inner monologue in writing. While reading the comments to me, she started crying and said, “Oh My God, it’s no wonder I feel the way I do. I would NEVER talk to another person like that!”
Giving herself just 5 minutes a day blossomed into an incredible habit of self-care. Six months later - during our regular check-in - Mary could barely contain herself. She had reached her goal weight, and was able to buy new clothes in a smaller size! A year later, she still loves eating a healthier diet and exercising regularly.
Mary has changed her relationship with food and her body, and has found more energy to care for her son by prioritizing HER needs.
Something else amazing happened when Mary prioritized herself. Her son went from fighting tooth and nail about doing his physical therapy to asking Mary if they could exercise together! And after she let go of her need to do everything, he has started becoming more independent and is helping around the house! He told me that he really likes how happy his mom is now and wants to be like her.
All of this happened, not because we started out by focusing on diet and exercise. This all happened because we focused on the idea of self-acceptance. When we got that “right,” the rest happened almost naturally.
Do you know what words come up when you look up self-love in the thesaurus?
Conceit
Narcissism
Vanity
Egocentricity
Pridefulness
And when I looked up self-acceptance in the thesaurus, it came back with “did you mean self-importance?” With negative associations like this, it’s no wonder that so many of us struggle to make self-acceptance a priority!
Now, when you look up just the word ‘acceptance’ on its own, you see a very different picture:
Belief in the goodness of something
Acknowledgement
Recognition
Receiving
Affirmation
How would it feel if you could embody THOSE feelings about yourself?
The words I associate with self-acceptance are confidence, compassion, purpose, meaning, and centeredness.
Self-acceptance means giving ourselves permission to love, honour, and accept ourselves exactly as we are. In. This. Moment. And it’s the only place from where we can create the changes we seek.
Self-acceptance determines how we choose to show up in the world. And how we show up in the world has a PROFOUND effect on those around us, as you saw in Mary’s case.
A healthy weight and a fit body will only happen once we have decided to embrace the discomfort of looking inward. Acknowledging and appreciating our imperfections. Feeling joy in the discovery of how freeing it is to feel perfectly imperfect.
There’s a powerful exercise you can do to begin that process. It’s called Mirror Work.
For 30 days in a row (and they have to be in a row — if you miss a day, you have to start over), stand in front of a full-length mirror, either naked or in your underwear. (I do recommend that you make sure you have some privacy for this!) Look at yourself from head to toe. Then say — out loud —- positive things about yourself.
If there’s a body part you aren’t happy with, put your hand on it and tell it about all the amazing and positive things it does for you. Talk about your qualities and accomplishments. Talk about why people love you. Do this for 2-3 minutes, and then look yourself in the eyes, say your name, and then say “I love you.” Hold your gaze for a long moment before finishing.
For years I battled with low self-esteem. I hated my body. I had very little confidence, and I definitely didn’t feel loveable. One day, after hearing about this practice in a workshop by Jack Canfield, I decided to try it.
I still remember that first day, standing in my underwear in front of the mirror, staring at myself. I think I stood there for nearly 10 minutes, unable to come up with a single positive thing to say.
I cried. Hard.
I felt frustrated. I nearly quit, because I felt stupid standing there sobbing in my own bedroom. But, I had made a promise to myself that I was going to do this no matter what. So I took a deep breath and started with easier stuff like the colour of my eyes, the fact that I had gone to work that day, and other superficial things.
At the end of my first “session,” I dropped to the floor and bawled as soon as I said, “Juli, I love you.” The next day I cried too, but not as much. And the day after that it got a little easier. And do you know what?
After a couple of weeks, I started looking forward to my mirror session. I started complimenting myself about deeper things than the colour of my eyes. I started noticing positive things about myself that I had refused to believe before.
After 30 days, I felt so different.
I WAS different.
I realized that I liked myself, regardless of what my body looked like. And during that time, without even noticing, I had started to take better care of myself. I was eating better. I was exercising more consistently. I WANTED to do those things because I had finally decided that I was worthy of them.
30 days and a mirror was all it took.
I challenge you to try this for yourself. When you accept the way you are RIGHT NOW, you are so much more likely to take care of yourself and do the things that make you happy and healthy.
Accepting yourself doesn’t mean you don’t want to make changes, but it means you’ll make them from a place of love, which makes the process much, much easier. Just like we do things for our loved ones simply because we love them and they are important to us, we deserve to do good things for ourselves.
Doing this mirror work is a big step forward in building that relationship with yourself.
If you are ready to ride your bike out of that dieting hell I mentioned earlier, self-acceptance is the path that will take you where you want to go.
Would you like some support in taking this journey? I welcome you to book a FREE 30-minute coaching call to talk about your goals. There’s no obligation, and even if we don’t end up working together, you’ll leave the session with at least one strategy you can apply immediately to help you move forward.
Click HERE to book a 30-minute call.