Settle Down!
(About a 5-Minute Read)
I decided to take a few quiet moment to gather my thoughts after 6+ months of utter chaos. With the exception of about 10 days at the end of August when Ian told me I would take a vacation no matter what, I spent the past 6 or so months working 14-16 hour days, 6 and sometimes 7 days per week.
It’s great to own your own business - you can work whenever you want!
Riiiight…
OK, in fairness, that is actually true. But entrepreneurs are a different breed of people. We actually like what we do, and most of the time it doesn’t feel like work. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any less demanding physically or mentally. So 14-16 hour days over a sustained period of time isn’t really a healthy way to live or work. But I digress…
Given that one aspect of my coaching involves helping people create and maintain boundaries and balance in their lives, I have reconfirmed the fact that I am my own worst client. And while I work with a couple of different business coaches, the truth is that I need a coach of my own who will hold my feet to the fire and keep me from doing this to myself ever again. Well, that, and keep me accountable for exercising a bit more self-compassion and re-learning how to use my “NO muscles.”
Over the past several months, like many of my clients, I struggled to say NO to things that came up, others’ requests, my own overly ambitious to-do list, and some juicy opportunities that presented themselves. In spite of having promised myself I was going to focus on just a few simple priorities in 2022, I wasn’t able to make it actually happen.
I 100% own the choices I made. Which makes it all the more uncomfortable to say out loud!
So, sitting in quiet solitude and reflecting on the part of 2022 that is behind me, I had a few realizations that I’d like to share with you. I’m hoping that some of the lessons learned will not only help me be more strategic and realistic about what I really want to be doing with my time, but also that it can help you as you do your own reflection and planning for the future.
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times, “When things settle down a little, I’ll…” or some variation of it. Here’s the rub: “Things” don’t settle down. This is life.
When we choose to not set and protect our own boundaries, “things” will always find a way to fill in Every. Single. Space. Uncomfortable as it is to admit, it’s about the choices we make. And we do actually have control over our choices.
“Where you are a year from now is a reflection of the choices you choose to make right now.”
Let’s be honest - choices can be difficult, and at times downright unpleasant. And, by the way, not choosing and simply going with the flow - doing what we (or someone else) thinks we “should” do - is also a choice.
Taking 100% responsibility for our choices helps us become more aware of what we’re doing. It’s the first step in being able to understand which choices are in alignment with our values and which ones aren’t, so we can make a decision to choose differently.
Is it really that simple? YES. Is it easy? NO. There’s a LOT of discomfort in the process because it requires us to be the person we want to be instead of who others might expect us to be. There might be difficult conversations that need to happen, or uncomfortable transitions when you make different choices.
As Albert Einstein once said, “A ship is always safe at shore but that is not what it’s built for.”
If we want to build a life we love, we have to learn to do things differently. I’ve made some bold moves in my life, and admittedly, I’ve also spent a lot of time playing small and being afraid of taking risks - and failing anyway. Failure isn’t a bad thing - it’s part of learning and growth. I know it’s scary, trust me! Just remember, we have survived everything we’ve faced in life so far!
The energy we put out into the world is the energy that comes back to us. When we don’t protect our boundaries, they will get trampled and we will pay the price for it. Blaming external factors - like others’ needs, our job, the weather, the economy, etc. - only keeps us from addressing what’s really at the heart of the issue, and that would be ourselves. I’m not saying that other people aren’t jerks from time to time, or that commitments we’ve made can’t turn out very differently from what we expected, or that others might treat us badly because we asked them to, but a lot of what happens in our lives is the result of what we allow. The sooner we become aware of what we are allowing in our lives, the sooner we can change it.
Now, it wasn’t my intention for this to be a lecture, so please don’t take it that way. This stuff can be really hard! It’s part of what I coach my clients on because it’s such a common thread through our society, especially as women (sorry, guys - I’m not saying it doesn’t apply to you as well, but this is one area where we women prevail!). And it’s the kind of internal reflection that we all could benefit from doing once in a while.
I challenge you to sit down and do some reflecting yourself. Imagine it’s December 31, 2022. What do you really want to be able to look back on and feel great about having done during the past quarter of the year? It doesn’t have to be something grand, by the way. There’s a lot of power in taking consistent, small steps. Be realistic and choose something that might stretch you, but would be entirely possible when you set some boundaries for yourself.
Now that I’ve done some of this reflection (and there’s still plenty more to do!), I am at least starting to gain a bit more clarity about the things I really want to spend my time doing. I am working through the last quarter of the year to plant the seeds of change that I can feel wanting to sprout in my life. And before I begin to wax poetic, I’ll just say that the next year is going to be very different to this one.
I’ve already chosen my word for 2023, and it is Simplicity. I am going to do a LOT less, and I know that more will happen as a result. I like simple. Simple is something I can wrap my head around. It’s just a complex process to make it happen. I look forward to that eventual feeling of “aaahhhhh….”
Simple? Yes. Easy? No. But then I’ve never been one to take the easy road. Stay tuned for amazing things!
Have a health of a day,
Juli
P.S. If you would like to have a chat about what this might look like for you, let’s jump on a call! I’d love to share some insights and provide some support as you figure it out too. Message me here or click the button on the homepage and get some time on the calendar!