Where does the time go?
So here we are, at the end of Week 15, and I haven't made a blog post for the past 5 weeks. Did you miss me? I did miss doing this writing, as I find it quite therapeutic. At least my reasons for not writing are good (in my opinion) - I have been traveling and spending time with friends, family, and guests. And, well, living my life here in Italy.
The past 5 weeks have been very interesting for me, in so many ways. More self-discovery, new victories, and some instances of less-than-optimal behavior and results. Overall it has been quite positive, but we are reminded that at this point the real "honeymoon period" is over, and it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty, every day drudgery of the work that is involved with this personal transformation. I think I already was feeling like that a few weeks ago, but with all the activity of late I've been able to mostly put those feelings out of my mind. When today's lesson reminded us that we already have been doing this for 4 months, though, it was a bit of a wake-up call for me. Holy cow - 4 MONTHS! I should have made more progress by now. I should have mastered more of these habits by now. This should be easier by now. And so it continues, all of this "should-ing" all over myself. But it's OK - we did some exercises on that too, and I'm feeling much better now.
Since my last entry, I have been more consistently getting up earlier and exercising. My husband and I went to Sicily for a week in mid-October, and in addition to the many miles of walking we did on a daily basis, I even managed to do a couple of abbreviated workouts on the road. Yay me. When my step-daughter was visiting, I managed to say, "I am going to exercise before we go out and have our adventures." Yay me. There have been several occasions when I've turned down a glass of wine or a calorie-laden snack. Yay me. However, I'm starting to realize that these little "Yay Me" moments are going to have to start taking on a bit more oomph in order to be justified. Yes, progress is progress. Yes, better is better - even just 1% is better than 0%. Still, as I've told clients, and as I've been reminded, you can't out-exercise a bad diet. Reality sucks sometimes.
My "diet" (I use that term very loosely here, as I mean the general way I eat, not any specific or restrictive program that will end one day) definitely is better overall than it was 4 months ago. I am eating less, I am making better food choices more often, and most of the time I am eating more slowly. But that darned 80% full habit still eludes me. I never thought that learning to listen to my body would be so difficult. Particularly after having experienced so much success with this habit early on. Unfortunately, once you add in external factors like social situations, house guests, and traveling, it feels selfish and egotistical to only be focusing on myself, and with all the added background noise, it becomes difficult to remain as aware. At least for me - maybe other people don't struggle with this as much as I do. My difficult relationship with food goes back a long, long way, and I can at least say that being aware of it has helped me to stop beating myself up about it so much. Now I just need to learn to make friends with my body so that we can tackle this whole food thing together. If only it was as easy as people like to make it sound in their little soundbites of dieting success stories or interviews with dietitians. At least with PN Coaching we have more practical advice. Reality can suck, but in any dispute between our perception and reality, reality always wins. So by using various pieces of information and feedback to guide and/or modify our expectations, desires, and behaviors, we can create a new reality for ourselves that's more in line with what we want. And continued feedback will let us know any time we get off-track.
So, while we have learned several new habits since my last post, with another new one starting tomorrow, I will take myself back to Eating to 80% Full, and work on that until I can do it without thinking. Overeating remains my Kryptonite and continues to rob me of my superpowers of habit mastery and determination. Having completed 4 out of the 12 months of this program reminds me how quickly the time passes by. I'm not sure where it has gone, but I know that it hasn't taken my less desirable habits with it, so I'll just have to overcome them myself. Self-reliance has always been one of my strengths anyway, and playing to your strengths is usually the best way to experience success in anything you do. Not sure if that's too profound a thought on this beautiful Sunday, but there it is.
I will do my best to be a bit more regular with my posts, even if it's not every single week, and I am eager to keep reporting on my progress. And just for the record, even though my weight hasn't changed much in these 4 months (just 4 pounds lost to date), I have managed to somehow lose over 11 inches in spite of myself. Yay me.
Have a health of a day!
Juli