I'm Baaaack!!! (Part One)
Hello there! Did you miss me? I honestly started many different updates and entries since the last post, but as usual it was more about good intentions than action. What can I say? I'm a champion procrastinator. One day I'll get around to giving lessons. In any event, I did say I would be back when the dust settled, and since it actually hasn't yet, I'm still ahead of schedule. Oh, and bear with me - this is going to be a loooooong post. Because I am still me.
Given that my PN client year technically ended in early July 2016, I'll start with a brief overview and update of the last part of the program and then move on to more current news. The past is the past, and there are so many exciting things ahead! Kind of. Mostly. Well, just keep reading and you'll see.
For the remainder of my client year I did a lot of experimenting with things like yoga, meditation, acupuncture, and EFT. If you remember, my first 6 months were a bit of an emotional roller coaster as I made my way through some of the sludge that had been pooling in my brain all these years, and while I can't say I've completely overcome every emotional and mental tie I have to food, I made some really significant progress. Those first six months of tears and difficult emotional work made the last six months possible. I ended the program not only thinner and a lot more fit than when I started (total loss was 13 pounds and nearly 23 inches!), but also with a very new outlook on life. And much more importantly, with a completely different attitude towards my body and my relationship to food. I'm here to tell you that no matter how much you diet and exercise, nothing will provide you with lasting change until you get inside your own head and fix things there. The way we see ourselves and the way we treat ourselves will ultimately determine how healthy and happy we are. A few of the favorite things I've learned (and key PN lessons/phrases/mantras we're taught):
1. Better is better. Period. Even with an occasional lapse in judgment, for example, if I only do half a workout I celebrate the fact that I did any workout at all rather than chastising myself for only doing half.
2. Progress not Perfection. There's a LOT of room between 0% and 100%, so even 1% progress is still progress. And it's OK, because some days you're that machine that charges ahead as if nothing in the world can stop you, and other days you feel like you're under the machine and it keeps backing up to run over you again and again. But those days pass and there's always room for improvement. NOTHING is ever perfect, and I won't waste my energy expecting myself to be.
3. Imperfection is the New Sexy. That's my line and my new approach to life. I'm 53 years old and I will never have a "perfect" body (there is no such thing). But my body works well most of the time and it provides me with a convenient way to cart my soul around while I'm on this earth. I can look at my newly forming wrinkles and ever-changing body with a sort of curiosity that I couldn't before. These are things that are going to happen no matter how much I fight against it. I'll keep taking the best care of my body that I can in hopes that the signs of aging don't come on too quickly or speed ahead of my biology, but nature has whatever it has in store for me so there's no point worrying or obsessing about it. And I can't begin to describe how freeing that attitude is, and how much lighter I feel because of it.
4. The numbers we measure are just data, and nothing more. Why do we make numbers so personal? Why do we attach such strong emotions to them? Having a waist that's a few inches smaller, while it feels good initially, does not define who I am, and it never has. Of course I didn't realize that for most of my life because I always figured I would feel happy when I reached a certain weight, or a certain clothing size, or some specific measurement. But you know what? It never happened. I can look at the scale and the measuring tape now (because I'm keeping track for the program) and think, "OK. So what have I been doing for it to change like that? That's interesting." Now I focus on how I feel, what my energy is like, how strong I feel, how well I sleep, and how many times in a month I can go out and do a 5-hour hike without feeling like I need a wheelchair afterwards. I focus on how much joy I get out of being with my husband or doing something I love. Those are the more important things to focus on, not some number that is ultimately meaningless anyway. So many people (my past self included) get so obsessed with the numbers that they hide from opportunities to enjoy themselves, their families, their communities, or activities they love. We are so afraid of being judged by others if we have an extra roll around our waists or some cellulite on our thighs, that we miss out on really living our lives and experiencing true joy, love, and connection with ourselves and others.
5. Every day, every hour, and every minute is an opportunity to Clean The Slate. During the program I had days when I made a conscious decision to eat a giant bowl of popcorn. Oh well. I didn't die, the hand of God didn't come down and strike me, and the food police never came to my door. It was a choice I made, and even if I felt like I regretted it afterward, I learned (and am learning) to be compassionate with myself, take ownership of the decision, ask myself what it is that I really need at that moment, and then clean the slate immediately and do the next thing I can do to support my health. In the past I would rue about it for days, but the truth is that we cannot possibly feel guilty enough to change the past. The only thing we can change is our choices. In. This. Moment. It can be challenging and definitely requires practice, but you know what? It's totally worth it and learning that behavior is life-changing.
So you get the idea. There are lots more ideas, phrases and mantras that I will continue to share in future posts, but for now that's a good start. This post is going to be long enough as it is, and there's so much more to tell you!
So I'm sitting here today, just shy of 2 years since my last entry, thinking about why I haven't written a new post in all that time. Lord knows I've thought about all the posts I wanted to write over the course of those 2 years. And I've even thought about beating myself up about it. Fortunately, the new skills I've learned have settled in pretty well, so here I am without guilt or shame, ready to start anew. And glad you're still willing to be here with me!
After my client year with PN ended, I had the privilege to be selected as a Mentor. That basically means to be like a "big sister" to the new clients and share experiences and support with them as they go through their own PN journey. It was a super cool thing to do because not only did I get to repeat the program for myself, but I got to watch others' progress, help them during periods when they were struggling, and continue my involvement with an amazing program and a great community. And selfishly, I really needed that focus, because our lives changed COMPLETELY during that year. No, really.
After many iterations and negotiations and frustrations, my husband's 3-year contract was coming to an end, and while a "permanent" position in Italy was supposedly in the works, ultimately his company decided that we would have to move back to the US. This happened in early September 2016. We didn't want to return, but their decision was final. But of course, we had decided to choose our own fate, and shortly after that news was handed down, he was offered an Italian contract with a different company. We were staying. Yay us!
As you may be able imagine, executing a permanent move to a foreign country is no easy task. When we first moved to Italy with the company, we were provided with services and support to help us navigate Italian bureaucracy and all the complexities therein. And believe me when I tell you, the complexities are numerous. With Ian's new job, we ended up moving to a new city and living in temporary accommodations for 3 months; then moving into a home that was in such vast need of cleaning and repair that we did little else for the 3 months after that. So the majority of my mentor year I was either stressing about our unknown future, attending farewell parties with friends, living in a hotel room that had no windows (yes, really - just a skylight), or cleaning and scrubbing and organizing at the new house. As well as doing all the registrations in various towns as required by the Italian government when you establish new residency. On my own. In Italian. It felt great to have been able to eventually get it all done, but mentally it was exhausting. I was so glad to have my PN mentorship during that time, because even if I wasn't caring for myself as well as I would have liked, I was able to focus on others and help them as best as I could. That lightened my mental and emotional load considerably. Ultimately I didn't lose weight that year, but I mostly maintained what I had done in my client year. That in itself was huge.
In addition to the move, I had signed up to do the Level 1 Nutrition Certification that PN offers. It's an amazing program, and because it was self-paced I was able to complete it while all that other stuff was going on. I love to learn, and the more I got into the program the more I was motivated to keep going with it. I'm so glad I did!
Fast forward to July 2017 and I was once again fortunate to be selected as a PN mentor. This year the program is significantly different for me. I'll get more into that in my next post, as this is getting long enough already. But how cool is that!!?? I've also signed up and been accepted for the Level 2 Certification with PN, so this coming year is going to be one focused on incredible growth and change. Yes, more change. And I want to keep in touch with you here so that we can continue to take this journey together. I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that no matter what life throws at you, you can do anything you set your mind to. Making yourself and your goals a priority is the key. And while it's not easy to do, it is absolutely possible.
So, there we are for now. I don't like ending these posts abruptly, but this is so long overdue, that I'll leave you here for now and finish this part of the story in the next post. I'd just like to say thanks for coming back!
Have a health of a day,
Juli